The Unforgiven

crash

“Why do people do this?” Chris yelled into the windshield. “It’s called rush hour for a reason people! Get the hell outta my way!”

Chris jerked the steering wheel, cutting off a blue pickup in the left lane, and passing the red Ferrari with a roaring press to his gas petal. He never saw the disapproving gaze of the mother or the newborn sleeping in the back.

“It’s a Ferrari dumbass! Use it!” He immediately slammed his brakes. Ahead were miles of empty highway, but immediately in front of him dallied a blue Impala driving ten under the speed limit.

Profanities flew out of his mouth with spittle. “Can’t be late!” He pressed his vehicle just inches from the pokey driver’s bumper. He shifted the vehicle to the right, tires touching the dotted white line, and threw up his hand resting on the open window. He shifted to the left, edging his Civic around the other side. His tires screamed upon the rumble strip, but the warnings of danger went unheeded.

He slammed his hands against the steering wheel. His face turned blood red when his vocal chords rattled out a scream. “Move! You old bastard!”

A yellow flashing right blinker answered his wrath, but his tailgating continued unforgivingly until the vehicle slid aside. As his vehicle lurched forward with an uproar, Chris felt justified in sending a message with his middle finger, but before he flipped the proverbial sign at the man in the blue car, he found a woman sitting there with a gun pointed at him. He gasped.

To die, all for what? His anger left with the wind rushing through his hair, replaced by a cold sweat. He had two little kids at home. He wasn’t even in his thirties. What the hell am I doing?

His head remained cocked toward the passenger window, eyes pleading against her vengeful stare, asking for what he had refused to yield all morning: forgiveness.

forgiveness1

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10 Responses to The Unforgiven

  1. Akira Okihu says:

    Meaningful,but for me “, but before he flipped the proverbial sign at the man in the blue car, he found a woman sitting there with a gun pointed at him.” blew it away. It escalated too quickly. From some curses to a gun in a hand is a long road… I just have the impression you hurried this part… But it was still meaningful.

  2. Katie Hamer says:

    I pictured this as if it was straight out of a movie. It’s like a scene from a gangster movie. I did wonder who the woman with the gun was: could she be an escaped psychopath on a shooting spree, a paid assassin, or even someone with a grudge against your narrator? Could she be part of an underground gang, to which your narrator becomes involved, against his better judgement? So many questions, so many possibilities.

    Guns always freak me out. I think if someone pulled a gun on me, I’d end up crashing the car! The life flashing before his eyes is a good touch. It’s like the moment of danger puts his priorities in to full perspective.

    I think you missed a comma here: “It’s a Ferrari, dumbass!” It sounded a little like you were throwing the insult at the car rather than the driver!

    An intriguing scenario. I’ll have to see if I can come up with something creative next time I’m stuck in traffic.

    I find your blog very inspiring. I’m thinking of setting one up myself. How do you rate Word Press? Would it be fairly easy to set up even without advanced IT skills? Any tips you can give would be greatly appreciated!

    • vozey says:

      I’ve more skill with WordPress. I looked around at blog spot, but I honestly didn’t care for it as much. Facebook, I didn’t find it to be very customizable. WordPress, is the best I’ve found. There are a few things that could make it better, but I’ve really enjoyed it. I would recommend it.

      I’ve messed around with it more than most, so I could give you lots of tips. I’m also a Computer Programmer that develops web applications, so it is kind of my job to know this stuff. 🙂

      I’ve got a free account. Sign up and getting started is easy. You should do it.


      You nailed it on the story about how the event put his priorities into perspective. This is exactly the effect I wanted, and the point I wished to make about the piece. There really are people out there that shoot other people from their vehicles. I believe that was the original source of the phrase “Road Rage”. Of course, I’m not trying to say that we should cater to psychopaths, but I wonder how many deaths out on the highways are preventable simply because of road rage type attitudes and reckless driving.

      Thanks for the comment. I loved to hear your feedback.

      • Katie Hamer says:

        Thanks for your feedback on WordPress. I agree with you on FB, although it’s a useful resource for people who want to share amusing pictures of cats that look like Hitler!

        A couple of months ago, I shared a poem on FB. I got a few ‘Likes’, but by far the hottest topic of the day was, ‘I had jaffa cakes for breakfast. What should I have for lunch?’ The top response was ‘More jaffa cakes’ *groan!*

        I have a week off soon, and will set up a Word Press blog then. Once I’m done, I’ll post the link on my Disqus profile. Thanks again for your advice!

  3. Reblogged this on From My Villa to Yours and commented:
    Make you put things in perspective!

    • vozey says:

      Thank you for sharing my stories and reading them. What kind of things do you blog about? It might take me a few days to get around, but I owe you at least that much for your comments and spreading about my stories.

      Thanks again.

      • Hi,
        I’m just playing at this blogging thing, finding articles that I enjoyed reading, research that others may find interesting etc…so no need to read unless something tickles your fancy.
        Thanks
        Brenda

  4. Nice forward movement, the plot goes along really well. I especially lke the twist at the end. Because all of us have been there. The gun was quite unexpected… maybe a hulky body builder coming out to squash the character would have been less jarring, more realistic? Or maybe I just haven’t driven enough to have a gun pulled on me.

    My only complaint might be some of the word choices. Some of them are a bit too bulky for my liking. I think of “from the pokey driver’s bumper” or “felt justified in sending a message” but maybe I am being nit picky? Thanks again for the helpful review!

    • vozey says:

      No problem. I love reading the stories of others. Yet, I’ve so many to read in my writing course, it can be quite hard to find the time to do so.

      My wife’s favorite is broken. I submitted it to Glimmertrain. Maybe I’ll get some of these short stories published.

      Thank you for your suggestions. I didn’t spend a lot of time on this piece and I wanted the suddenness to be there. I got the idea from a co-worker at work that had a similar event happen to her, and, yes, people do pull guns and they have shot people in moving vehicles before, too. Scary thought.

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