To Autumn

autumn

To Autumn,

Junior high school was something, huh? To anyone else, I would have been nothing more than a loser, lunching all alone at my Table of Solitude. But, not to you. Since I had found myself to be the odd one out, you were the first to invite me in from the cold shoulders and demeaning air that stirs around one of those empty tables.

You sat with the bad kids, but you never belonged there. No, I don’t know how you ended up there. A gorgeous amethyst cast before swine.  With courage and healing, you touched me, brought me in from the cold. With that single touch, you brought my eyes to you. But, whenever you glanced my way, I was shy and turned away.

I remember the day I sat across the table from you. We were surrounded by the others, too. When my drink slipped down the wrong pipe, I tried to hold it down, but instead sprayed milk over everyone around. It seemed like you got the worst of it. I felt so bad, but you just smiled. You laughed about it. Such a beautiful laugh and a wonderful smile.

Fifteen years has not taken the edge off that memory, and fifty more could not.

I wish I had not been so caught up in my own problems of the time. Days passed, and I did not open my heart to you; I could not, would not, speak my thoughts to you. Even when we sat alone at that lunch table one day, just you, just me.

They’d upset you, I don’t know who. You told me they didn’t like you. You asked, “What’s wrong with me?”

I don’t remember what I said, probably, “Nothing is wrong with you.” It was not what I should have said. What I should have said was, “Autumn, if someone doesn’t like you, there is something wrong with them.” I could have said so much, I could have let you know how much I cared for you! But damn the times! Damn their lies! Damn the black solitude that sealed my mouth!

You cried, I remembered. I didn’t know how to respond. I was there for you as a friend. But I should have told you then that if no one wanted you, I would have you. I would cherish you, protect you, and love you unconditionally. To be the hero I dreamt I was in my romantic fantasies. To take your hand and pull you close to me; to show you how little they mattered and how much you did matter; to slay any notion that you were not good enough in your mind; to change the course of events and cruel hands of fate.

But, at fifteen, I was a coward! My hands stayed dead-cold still; my feelings shut up in my useless mouth. I thought there would come a day.

But the days passed, Autumn, didn’t they. The days passed so slow in my mind, but, now, so fast in my memory. I kept my eye on you when you were turned away. autumn turned to Winter, and Winter into Spring. Spring into Summer, and Summer into You again.

I followed you then, pressing myself. Ask her. Ask her out. So what if she says no. Ask her out. Closer and closer I came; I found moments alone with you, but could not utter the words. I listened to your problems; they seemed so many, but what I had to say was so important maybe it would change that. Why would I not say what I needed to say! Autumn drew nearer the end. I thought there would come a day.

But the depressed leaves died on their branches and fell from the trees. They spiraled down and down, and I could not see them; I could not catch them. I could not catch Autumn in my hands, could not pull Autumn into my arms, could not keep Autumn warm from the impending Winter.

autumn was gone, and so too were you. Winter killed autumn, and Autumn killed you. They put you in a coffin and buried you in the snow.  My arms lost all chance to keep you warm, to keep you from harm, and I was left to keep only your memory.

I could have saved you! Had only I known. If only I had spoke my heart to you! Damn me for the coward I was then! I could’ve done something!

Autumn…

The years go by, Autumn, and still I cannot forget you. They say not to blame ourselves, but how can I be so certain had I done else? You, Autumn, hold my only regret. That only regret that I keep locked away because it hurts so bad! If only I had reached out to you then… I learned something that day: to never let pass a moment that I will live to regret. Never again, Autumn.

autumn turns to autumn turns to autumn, I will never forget you, Autumn.

 

No More Regrets,

James

 

autumn comes and goes each year, but the Autumn I know always remains.

In memory of Autumn Davis.

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This entry was posted in Short Stories and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

201 Responses to To Autumn

  1. dmdeluca17 says:

    Powerful words. Powerful heart.

  2. subhmohanty says:

    Awesome! moved me to bits!

  3. Beautifully writing! Follow my blog I’m going to follow yours! I admire beautiful writing!

  4. alexiaboland says:

    Your story is my deepest fear to never know or help someone out of their pain. I am so sorry for the loss, but grateful for the opportunity to learn a vital lesson.

  5. rmayanj425 says:

    Wow, this is a moving mover, the words are too touchy! Oh my!! this is nice!! Continue up with hte Spirit.

    Blessings!!!

  6. aedanwriter says:

    Reblogged this on The Hot Topic.

    • vozey says:

      Thanks for spreading my story around!

      • aedanwriter says:

        I just happened to see your story on the Freshly Pressed page and I really did enjoy reading it. Thank you for posting it.

      • vozey says:

        Thank you for reading my story. What kind of writing do you do? You really don’t say. Nonfiction, fiction, either or. I commonly ask for you to point me to one of your favorite stories. My favorite short story actually isn’t this one, it is Broken.

        I usually find it hard to find where to start on other blogs, so point me in the right direction!

      • aedanwriter says:

        http://www.writing.com/main/portfolio/view/aedan

        You can follow this link to my writing.com profile to check out my stories. I prefer fiction writing, but will branch out from time to time.

      • vozey says:

        I think I’ll start with “Shadows Hide”. Looks like a good story for sampling. I saw, also, that you write novels and poetry. How is that going? I’ve got a fantasy novel in progress, expecting to be done before February of next year.

      • aedanwriter says:

        Haven’t had too much time for adding on to these stories, but if you like them, feel free to input your ideas on them.

      • vozey says:

        I always have input. Always.

      • vozey says:

        I loved the suspense in Shadows Hide, but the ending down right sucks. It needs to be finished.

        On the way though, I noticed a spot where the narrator was going to watch a movie, but then he woke up, and such. I found this part rather confusing a rushed. It broke the normal pacing of the story. Stick to that pacing.

        Finish the story!

  7. Just beautiful and warm and sad all at once. You captured the essence of what it is to be 15 and only realizing later the serendipitous moments that may have changed someone’s life for the better. That being said, it’s comforting to know that very likely we have all siezed a silent opportunity to be brave and courageous when we didn’t even know we were doing so. I can’t wait to read more!

  8. Reblogged this on welcome to my life and commented:
    this is the best thing that I’ve ever seen in print.

  9. This is soo powerful. And great talent.

  10. Reblogged this on THE UNTOLD STORY and commented:
    Powerful stuff.

  11. sadooace says:

    Reblogged this on shades of the fallen and commented:
    so beautiful..

  12. mayerfv says:

    This was beautiful. I enjoyed learning this story.

  13. Inspire One. says:

    loved the powerful words,I’m going to reblog this I think a lot of people would be inspired by what you went through and how you’re telling it right now!

  14. Pingback: end of summer | Artsy Wanderer

  15. Akira Okihu says:

    Congratulations for being featured on Freshly Pressed! As always, you remain a very good writer.

  16. hinkdad says:

    Reblogged this on Ryan Hinkamper & The Other Side and commented:
    I love this picture

  17. thepaleowayx says:

    I LOVE this. that was captivating

  18. Very poignant reminder to seize the day. We never know what moment will be our last.
    I was very impressed to notice that you had only one regret. If only that were so for me. I will have to depend on grace because my regrets about my irresponsible youth are many. My goal in adulthood is to live in such a way that the regrets are few. Alas, I’m only human.

    • vozey says:

      Well, I have lots of little regrets. But it was the only one the struck me as important, something that I knew I would always wish I could have changed. Thanks for reading, I’m glad you found you could relate to it.

  19. Dean Yong says:

    Recently I just had my graduation ceremony in my high school; therefore, your words touched me deeply 🙂

  20. tbree1 says:

    Nicely written! The picture of Autumn is so inviting!

  21. Reblogged this on In Princess' Heart and commented:
    This story moved me. 😥

    “…I learned something that day: to never let pass a moment that I will live to regret…”

  22. Flutterby says:

    Reblogged this on Flutterby and commented:
    This is a really beautiful poem.

  23. Reblogged this on mcbsk12262006 and commented:
    Beautiful time of year!

  24. Autumn, the “Color of Fall”

  25. jschwartz16 says:

    that was soo good!! Keep writing!

  26. keishly1 says:

    Reblogged this on EverydayLifeofAnAspiringWriter and commented:
    Powerful!

  27. hughes1963 says:

    Reblogged this on grayfeathersblog and commented:
    Very moving.

  28. Hello, Neat post. There is an issue with your website in internet explorer, could test this?
    IE still is the marketplace chief and a big portion of other people will leave
    out your excellent writing due to this problem.

    • vozey says:

      Hmm. I don’t even have IE on my computer. Killed it first thing.

      According to the vast majority of sources, Chrome now leads the browser market share. I’m a web programmer and have never truly cared for IE. I’m irritated by the fact that some many people use it simply because it comes with the computer, but I’m glad to see other browsers winning out. I wish the same was true for trackball mice.

  29. Pingback: #Autumn #Story | johndwmacdonald

  30. Reblogged this on DreamyWorldOfTheSleepyGirl and commented:
    I generally don’t reblog, but because this is extremely beautiful.

  31. I absolutely love your blog.. Pleasant colors & theme. Did you develop this
    site yourself? Please reply back as I’m attempting to
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    • vozey says:

      It’s called the Vostok team. I’ve played around with the options for it for the background and such.

      I’m glad you like it. No one has said anything about it until now. Thanks.

  32. Today, while I was at work, my sister stole my iPad and tested to see if
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  33. It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button!

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  36. Howdy! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I really enjoy reading through your blog posts.
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    • vozey says:

      Check out my blogroll down at the bottom. “Blogs I follow.” A lot of these individual blogs have similar goals in mind.

      Under Reading tab at the top, click favorite blogs. Those are the blogs I keep up with the most.

      Thanks for reading.

  37. Fantastic blog! Do you have any tips for aspiring writers?
    I’m planning to start my own website soon but I’m a little lost on everything.

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    There are so many options out there that I’m
    totally confused .. Any recommendations? Kudos!

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