To Autumn,
Junior high school was something, huh? To anyone else, I would have been nothing more than a loser, lunching all alone at my Table of Solitude. But, not to you. Since I had found myself to be the odd one out, you were the first to invite me in from the cold shoulders and demeaning air that stirs around one of those empty tables.
You sat with the bad kids, but you never belonged there. No, I don’t know how you ended up there. A gorgeous amethyst cast before swine. With courage and healing, you touched me, brought me in from the cold. With that single touch, you brought my eyes to you. But, whenever you glanced my way, I was shy and turned away.
I remember the day I sat across the table from you. We were surrounded by the others, too. When my drink slipped down the wrong pipe, I tried to hold it down, but instead sprayed milk over everyone around. It seemed like you got the worst of it. I felt so bad, but you just smiled. You laughed about it. Such a beautiful laugh and a wonderful smile.
Fifteen years has not taken the edge off that memory, and fifty more could not.
I wish I had not been so caught up in my own problems of the time. Days passed, and I did not open my heart to you; I could not, would not, speak my thoughts to you. Even when we sat alone at that lunch table one day, just you, just me.
They’d upset you, I don’t know who. You told me they didn’t like you. You asked, “What’s wrong with me?”
I don’t remember what I said, probably, “Nothing is wrong with you.” It was not what I should have said. What I should have said was, “Autumn, if someone doesn’t like you, there is something wrong with them.” I could have said so much, I could have let you know how much I cared for you! But damn the times! Damn their lies! Damn the black solitude that sealed my mouth!
You cried, I remembered. I didn’t know how to respond. I was there for you as a friend. But I should have told you then that if no one wanted you, I would have you. I would cherish you, protect you, and love you unconditionally. To be the hero I dreamt I was in my romantic fantasies. To take your hand and pull you close to me; to show you how little they mattered and how much you did matter; to slay any notion that you were not good enough in your mind; to change the course of events and cruel hands of fate.
But, at fifteen, I was a coward! My hands stayed dead-cold still; my feelings shut up in my useless mouth. I thought there would come a day.
But the days passed, Autumn, didn’t they. The days passed so slow in my mind, but, now, so fast in my memory. I kept my eye on you when you were turned away. autumn turned to Winter, and Winter into Spring. Spring into Summer, and Summer into You again.
I followed you then, pressing myself. Ask her. Ask her out. So what if she says no. Ask her out. Closer and closer I came; I found moments alone with you, but could not utter the words. I listened to your problems; they seemed so many, but what I had to say was so important maybe it would change that. Why would I not say what I needed to say! Autumn drew nearer the end. I thought there would come a day.
But the depressed leaves died on their branches and fell from the trees. They spiraled down and down, and I could not see them; I could not catch them. I could not catch Autumn in my hands, could not pull Autumn into my arms, could not keep Autumn warm from the impending Winter.
autumn was gone, and so too were you. Winter killed autumn, and Autumn killed you. They put you in a coffin and buried you in the snow. My arms lost all chance to keep you warm, to keep you from harm, and I was left to keep only your memory.
I could have saved you! Had only I known. If only I had spoke my heart to you! Damn me for the coward I was then! I could’ve done something!
Autumn…
The years go by, Autumn, and still I cannot forget you. They say not to blame ourselves, but how can I be so certain had I done else? You, Autumn, hold my only regret. That only regret that I keep locked away because it hurts so bad! If only I had reached out to you then… I learned something that day: to never let pass a moment that I will live to regret. Never again, Autumn.
autumn turns to autumn turns to autumn, I will never forget you, Autumn.
No More Regrets,
James
autumn comes and goes each year, but the Autumn I know always remains.
In memory of Autumn Davis.
Powerful words. Powerful heart.
Powerful comment. Thank you.
Awesome! moved me to bits!
I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Beautiful…
Thank you
Beautifully writing! Follow my blog I’m going to follow yours! I admire beautiful writing!
Sounds like a plan. Thanks!
Can you direct me to some of your beautiful writing? I’m quite busy of late!
Your story is my deepest fear to never know or help someone out of their pain. I am so sorry for the loss, but grateful for the opportunity to learn a vital lesson.
Gives a lot of reasons to stay close to people and never let anything hold you back from opening your heart.
Wow, this is a moving mover, the words are too touchy! Oh my!! this is nice!! Continue up with hte Spirit.
Blessings!!!
Thanks.
Reblogged this on The Hot Topic.
Thanks for spreading my story around!
I just happened to see your story on the Freshly Pressed page and I really did enjoy reading it. Thank you for posting it.
Thank you for reading my story. What kind of writing do you do? You really don’t say. Nonfiction, fiction, either or. I commonly ask for you to point me to one of your favorite stories. My favorite short story actually isn’t this one, it is Broken.
I usually find it hard to find where to start on other blogs, so point me in the right direction!
http://www.writing.com/main/portfolio/view/aedan
You can follow this link to my writing.com profile to check out my stories. I prefer fiction writing, but will branch out from time to time.
I think I’ll start with “Shadows Hide”. Looks like a good story for sampling. I saw, also, that you write novels and poetry. How is that going? I’ve got a fantasy novel in progress, expecting to be done before February of next year.
Haven’t had too much time for adding on to these stories, but if you like them, feel free to input your ideas on them.
I always have input. Always.
I loved the suspense in Shadows Hide, but the ending down right sucks. It needs to be finished.
On the way though, I noticed a spot where the narrator was going to watch a movie, but then he woke up, and such. I found this part rather confusing a rushed. It broke the normal pacing of the story. Stick to that pacing.
Finish the story!
Just beautiful and warm and sad all at once. You captured the essence of what it is to be 15 and only realizing later the serendipitous moments that may have changed someone’s life for the better. That being said, it’s comforting to know that very likely we have all siezed a silent opportunity to be brave and courageous when we didn’t even know we were doing so. I can’t wait to read more!
Thank you for your comments! It is wonderful to hear your reflections on this story.
You might like more of my short stories. They are under Writing -> Short Stories.
Reblogged this on welcome to my life and commented:
this is the best thing that I’ve ever seen in print.
Reblogged this on The Silent Theory.
Reblogged this on GLEE AND GEN.
This is soo powerful. And great talent.
Thank you, I appreciate your feedback and sharing it with your community.
You can find more of my short stories here. More to come!
Pleasure.
You would as well like to check mine out.
Reblogged this on THE UNTOLD STORY and commented:
Powerful stuff.
wow, amazing
Reblogged this on shades of the fallen and commented:
so beautiful..
Thank you for sharing my story!
This was beautiful. I enjoyed learning this story.
thanks.
loved the powerful words,I’m going to reblog this I think a lot of people would be inspired by what you went through and how you’re telling it right now!
Thank you. I really like to inspire others and cause them to think a little.
Pingback: end of summer | Artsy Wanderer
Congratulations for being featured on Freshly Pressed! As always, you remain a very good writer.
Thanks.
Reblogged this on Ryan Hinkamper & The Other Side and commented:
I love this picture
wow..
I LOVE this. that was captivating
Thanks.
Very poignant reminder to seize the day. We never know what moment will be our last.
I was very impressed to notice that you had only one regret. If only that were so for me. I will have to depend on grace because my regrets about my irresponsible youth are many. My goal in adulthood is to live in such a way that the regrets are few. Alas, I’m only human.
Well, I have lots of little regrets. But it was the only one the struck me as important, something that I knew I would always wish I could have changed. Thanks for reading, I’m glad you found you could relate to it.
Recently I just had my graduation ceremony in my high school; therefore, your words touched me deeply 🙂
I’m glad it touched you. Maybe I can write something good every now and then.
Thanks.
Reblogged this on Jess.
Thanks for sharing my story! You are wonderful!
Your welcome!😊💕…your story is great by the way too!!
Nicely written! The picture of Autumn is so inviting!
Thanks. I felt the picture capture both the romantic side and the reality side of my recollections.
Reblogged this on In Princess' Heart and commented:
This story moved me. 😥
“…I learned something that day: to never let pass a moment that I will live to regret…”
wow!!!!!
Reblogged this on Flutterby and commented:
This is a really beautiful poem.
awesome
Reblogged this on mcbsk12262006 and commented:
Beautiful time of year!
Autumn, the “Color of Fall”
Reblogged this on SummerSoft Labs.
that was soo good!! Keep writing!
Thank you. I don’t plan on quitting any time soon.
Reblogged this on Insanalinsan's Blog.
Thank you for sharing my story.
Reblogged this on Indah Putri Pradhina.
Thanks for spreading my story around.
Reblogged this on EverydayLifeofAnAspiringWriter and commented:
Powerful!
Reblogged this on grayfeathersblog and commented:
Very moving.
Thanks for sharing!
You wrote about me in that article. I was the same way as a young man. It touched my heart in a very meaningful way. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Hello, Neat post. There is an issue with your website in internet explorer, could test this?
IE still is the marketplace chief and a big portion of other people will leave
out your excellent writing due to this problem.
Hmm. I don’t even have IE on my computer. Killed it first thing.
According to the vast majority of sources, Chrome now leads the browser market share. I’m a web programmer and have never truly cared for IE. I’m irritated by the fact that some many people use it simply because it comes with the computer, but I’m glad to see other browsers winning out. I wish the same was true for trackball mice.
Pingback: #Autumn #Story | johndwmacdonald
Reblogged this on DreamyWorldOfTheSleepyGirl and commented:
I generally don’t reblog, but because this is extremely beautiful.
I absolutely love your blog.. Pleasant colors & theme. Did you develop this
site yourself? Please reply back as I’m attempting to
create my own personal website and would like to know where you got this from or exactly what the theme is named.
Thank you!
It’s called the Vostok team. I’ve played around with the options for it for the background and such.
I’m glad you like it. No one has said anything about it until now. Thanks.
Reblogged this on sguz21/TÜRKİYE/İstanbul.
Today, while I was at work, my sister stole my iPad and tested to see if
it can survive a 25 foot drop, just so she can
be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now broken and she has 83
views. I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with
someone!
Take her laptop / computer tower and drop it from 40 ft. Be sure to record it and post it on youtube
It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button!
I’d certainly donate to this outstanding blog! I guess for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding your
RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to fresh updates and will
talk about this blog with my Facebook group. Chat soon!
Thank you for your support. I’m glad my content means something to you.
I absolutely love your website.. Great colors & theme.
Did you make this amazing site yourself? Please reply back as I’m trying to
create my own personal site and would love to learn where you got
this from or exactly what the theme is called.
Thanks!
We stumbled over here different website and thought I should check things out.
I like what I see so now i am following you. Look forward to looking
at your web page for a second time.
Howdy! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I really enjoy reading through your blog posts.
Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that deal with the same
topics? Appreciate it!
Check out my blogroll down at the bottom. “Blogs I follow.” A lot of these individual blogs have similar goals in mind.
Under Reading tab at the top, click favorite blogs. Those are the blogs I keep up with the most.
Thanks for reading.
Fantastic blog! Do you have any tips for aspiring writers?
I’m planning to start my own website soon but I’m a little lost on everything.
Would you advise starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option?
There are so many options out there that I’m
totally confused .. Any recommendations? Kudos!
Tip for aspiring authors: write.
I recently began watching “13 Reasons Why” and was reminded of the time I read this post a few years ago. Indeed, some of the similarities are a bit chilling…
Haven’t heard of it or seen it, but I’ll keep my eyes open for it.